Sunday, September 5, 2010
The Lutheran Church Strikes Again
I admit it. The title is a masterpiece of responsibility-shifting. It really isn't the Lutheran Church's fault that things keep happening to me. Every time I play for them.
So I got all ready, and right on schedule about 13 minutes before the hour, picked up my music to walk out the door, and went to the little peg where my keys were supposed to be.
Reaching warp speed in less than 2.7 seconds, I tore in quick succession through my purse, book bag, camera bag, kitchen counter, and bedside stand. No keys, not even in the ignition.
Time was running out. With blinding speed, I dumped the stuff out of Devon's backpack, ran to the car where my music and glasses were set neatly, and dumped them in. Somehow I missed the glasses, a move I would regret for a good hour. Then nothing else for it, but to grab the nearest bicycle and start pedaling.
The dress I had chosen was very low-key and modest - a long, narrow pinstripe skirt that buttoned up the front, and a white shirt. Not exactly designed for biking, but no time to change. It took two hands on the handlebars to get going, since my feet would hardly reach the ground in my leg-hampered condition. Then it took the next 500 feet to pull myself back into a mostly-clad condition.
My only hope going through town was to ride so fast that no one could see anything but a blur. Unfortunately, steering with one hand and trying desperately to hold myself together with the other, I just couldn't pedal as fast. Jack, down at the shop loading his work truck for the day, came out the door just as I went by, of all the luck. His maniacal laughter followed me most of the way to the church.
One advantage of being a couple minutes late is that, once I turned onto the highway and headed for the edge of town, no one was around so I could let go and ride like the wind. Everyone was so happy to see me that no one commented on my windblown, gasping condition. To my face, at any rate.
After that, the discovery that my glasses were still at home and I would have to squint my way through the whole service, was anticlimactic. I sure wasn't riding back to get them.
Next time they ask me to play, I think I will get dressed Saturday night and go spend the night in one of the pews.
Still twitching from too much adventure,