Sunday, November 24, 2013
Day 11: Jack is home, and it’s harder than you might think to sneak in a workout when he’s not looking. I managed it, though, while he was in his Special Office with Running Water. You might wonder why the secrecy. Aren’t good marriages supposed to be transparent and open?
Well, yes. Mostly. I’m considering this to be under the “surprise gift” category, which is one of the few acceptable exceptions to the Transparency Rule. And he will be surprised, a year or two from now, when he notices that I’m looking much trimmer. (Unless he reads this blog post, but I’m taking my chances. I can’t wait that long to update the rest of you.)
The last attempt to participate in a strenuous exercise program involved Tina. Jack’s idea of participation mostly included sitting on the couch, laughing hysterically, and taking unflattering pictures of us. Granted, his abs got a killer workout, but the rest of us sent big frowny faces in his direction. (Muscles which do not need ANY extra workouts at all.) I can’t fool myself into thinking I look any more graceful now, so this regimen is going to stay a strictly solo act for some time to come. You won’t tell, will you?
Day 12: Special challenges attended this workout. I didn’t want Jack to wake and find me hopping about in the bedroom. I didn’t want his brother, sleeping on the couch, to wake and find me hopping about in the living room. The bathroom is far too small. Only one option remained: the laundry room, with no DVD help at all. That was ok, since the cats decided they would be my helpers instead.
Days 1 and 2 they were quite fascinated, even swatting playfully at my arms and legs as they waved wildly. After that, they lost interest, until I invaded their domain and leaped about by their food and litter box. Suddenly, all the old interest returned, and I had uncounted glowing yellow pairs of eyes following my every move. On shelves, the washer and dryer, behind the door, even from the litterbox itself, they all attended the splendid entertainment extravaganza I thoughtfully provided for their benefit.
Day 13: See Day 12.
Day 14: This has been the only morning so far that I slept in past my workout, barely dragging my sorry derriere out of bed just in time for the bus. Jack had to leave out extremely early in the morning to fly back to Texas and begin working. When he woke up at 3, it took me a very long time to go back to sleep. I just couldn’t quite make it up at Oh-Dark-Thirty, as Jack calls it.
In lieu of a formal workout, I went for an evening jog in the snow, with my phone called into use as a flashlight. At one point I started to slip on the ice, doing a clever little jig to maintain my footing. The flashlight began to turn off and on, baffling me for a moment until I realized that it was set to automatically flash SOS when shaken.
Day 15: Though challenging, twenty minutes no longer seems like quite enough. I barely made it through the warmup, and was just getting to the good stuff when it was time to quit. Tomorrow I’m going to try something new, just to shake things up.
Day 16: CANNOT MOVE LIMBS HELP ME AM TYPING WITH MY NOSE
Day 17: Oh, look! It’s already time to take a break again. How will I even manage until it’s time for the next wonderful workout? Yeah, right. I NEED A BREAK!!! I console myself that it’s not just being a wimp – that exercise on the rest of the days will actually be more effective for having a rest. Tomorrow’s a whole new day.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
I’ve been needing to resume a regular exercise program. With the many unplanned events of the summer, a whole bunch of important things fell by the wayside, and that was one of them. With some trepidation, I’ve decided to restart a certain intense fitness program, for the simple reason that I already have it in my possession.
Originally, I decided to re-name it P90L, with L for Lazy. But this program is so intense that even 2 minutes a day is way above laziness. At the same time, there’s no way that my version could be called Xtreme, either. So I’ve settled on P90G, for Gentle.
Day 1: (November 7, 2013) 20+ minutes and I feel great! Why didn’t I start doing this a long time ago? I can hardly contain my rush of energy.
Day 2: Yesterday was arms, today legs. That’s good, since I can hardly lift a glass of water. All went well until I got a large splinter while leaping around in my bedroom. All efforts to retrieve it were in vain. 20+ minutes again, and feeling so alive, except for my throbbing foot.
Day 3: The splinter has become infected, and putting any weight whatsoever on it is proving extremely painful. Oh well, it’s not like I could walk anyway. Thankfully, it’s Sabbath, so I don’t need to worry about exercise. The actual program calls for a day of rest anyway, and it just happens that my day of rest coincided with day 3. Lucky me! Maybe by tomorrow I’ll be able to not only walk, but lift my arms high enough to eat.
Day 4: Hey, I can walk! It hurts a little, but how nice to have that shard o’misery out of my foot. Today was plyometrics, which is basically jump training. I think I’d better confine plyo to Sundays and holidays, so that when I can’t lift my head off the floor afterwards it doesn’t affect work. About 13 minutes in, the workout clock got stuck. I’m pretty sure it was only counting off about 3 seconds per minute.
Workout guy: You’re doing great! Go even higher!
Workout guy: Ok now! Double time!!!
Me: I’m pretty sure that means half as many as before.
Staggering grimly, I gritted my teeth and kept going. I think it’s mean to make a one-legged man be part of the workout team on the video, so I can’t even feel sorry for myself. Will 20 minutes never end?
Suddenly, I glance at the clock. It has been 22+ minutes! I made it! And in case you wonder what all these +++ mean, it means + about 3 seconds. Not that anyone is counting.
I hope I don’t get any splinters in my nose down here. Prone is the new perky. Go team. I feel great. Really. Room fading. Blackness. Only 86 more days.
Day 5: For some reason my legs are beyond sore. Fortunately, today was mostly upper body. All the rest of the day, I keep finding myself frozen into weird stalagmite formations. I think tomorrow I’d better just work my abs. It’s the only part of my body that’s still functional.
Day 6: CANNOT MOVE HELP ME
Day 7: What can I do? The only thing that doesn’t hurt is my eyelashes, and I’ve never heard of a workout for eyelashes.
Day 8: Slightly better, I suppose. Maybe I’ve finally turned the corner, but I’m not going to stop and find out.
Day 9: Not too bad, actually. Did a combo of arms and abs today. My clothes all still fit the same, but I’m starting to feel better overall. Still have a nasty habit of waking up about 0430, but that’s not surprising. Time changes are stupid, and yes I am talking to you BENJAMIN FRANKLIN!
Day 10: I thought this break would never come. Only 80 more days until I finish this round of torture, and start something even worse! (I’m considering upping the ante to P90M, for “Mediocre”.)
PS I have taken some “before” pictures, but there is no way they will ever see the light of day until there are some “after” pictures, too. So don’t even ask.