Monday, January 16, 2012
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, said some homilious person of yore. And most definitely, Jack has had all work and no play for quite some time now. Since we are the unabashedly wonderful family that we are, we decided to help him out, and bring a bit of surprise fun into his life.
It's called The Daddy Quiz: How Well Do You Know Your Children?
Shamelessly ripped from John's birthday party, this quiz gave Jack an opportunity to earn prizes for his loving children as he answered questions about them. Once in a while, just to make things fair, he got to earn a matching prize. After all, unlike SOMEONE ELSE'S quiz, we didn't want the actual contestant to leave empty-handed.
The early questions were fairly easy, things like, "Name the complete birth date of each child." He got each one right, or at least very close. Why, there is hardly any difference at all between 1967 and 1997. They quickly got much harder, though.
Q: Which one of your children fell dramatically during a race in the backyard, and what kind of race was it?
A: Damon, potato-sack.
Q: How old was Tiggy when she learned to say the Lord's Prayer?
A: 6? 5? 4? Let's get some help from an audience member! (Correct answer: 2. "Ow Foddah with owt in hebben, hawwowed be Dy name. Dy tingdom tum, Dy wiww be done, on erf ath it ith in hebben.")
Q: Which one of your children, unsatisfied with the number originally issued to them, tried to create their own brand-new orifice?
A: Devon. (There was no hesitation - Devon is the correct answer to almost every question involving grievous bodily harm.)
Here and there during the quiz, we threw in a few questions from the children about How Well Do You Know Our Mommy? After all, Mommy needs a few prizes of her own.
Q: What does Mom call it when you send all of us away and the two of you stay home together?
A: Peace and quiet? (Correct answer: Mommy-Daddy Date Night.)
Q: How long have you and Mom been married?
A: Long pause. Several minutes go by.
Hint: This is an easy answer. It's always Damon + 9 months.
Damon: HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Correct answer: 15 1/2.)
Then we got to the superglue series.
Q: Which one of your children superglued their fingers together on the way home tonight?
A: (slumped with head in hands) Devon.
Q: Which one of your children got superglue inside their mouth?
A: Tiggy! (I was actually kind of surprised that he got this one right. I would have thought the answer was still "Devon".)
Q: Which one of the children took an extra-large container of superglue, tried to glue tweezers to their fingers so they couldn't lose them, spilled the superglue on their fingers, got a paper towel to wipe up the excess glue, glued the paper towel to their fingers, got nail clippers to try and clip off the excess glue and paper towels, and got the nail clippers stuck to their fingers, then took fingernail polish remover to try and remove the nail clippers, paper towels, tweezers, and glue, but got the lid of the nail polish remover stuck to their fingers???
A: (swaying and muttering rhythmically, make it stop! Make it stop!) Oh, yes. Damon.
The prizes, as a whole, leaned heavily toward the After-Christmas-70%-Off Theme. The children were thrilled, and so was Jack. (Though he tried to conceal his excitement with humorous little comments like, "Did I sleep through the whole year, and now it's Christmas again?)
It was inspiring, truly inspiring. I have already let Tina know that I need her help to come up with a full-family version. It may take us a little while to save up prizes. Upcoming opportunities include the After-Valentine's-Day-70%-Off Theme, and the After-Easter-70%-Off Theme.
I can't wait!