Death on the Prairie

or

I Can't Feel My Arms Any More

It was Jack's bright idea, more or less. He saw an infomercial for an intensive fitness program, hot on the heels of his doctor telling him that he needed to get back into shape. She had a nice little chart in her office, ranging from Very Underweight to Grossly Obese. I am much too kind to tell you where exactly he fell within that scale. Suffice it to say that even I was surprised. (I am also much too discreet to tell you exactly where I fell within that scale. I'd rather tell you my age. It's 39. And a half.)

Being the wonderful wife I am, I ordered the program before he had the chance to, and it arrived at the end of last week. We were both very excited, and I even put the pull-up bar together so he wouldn't have to. Since the program has six days of hard work, and a seventh day of rest - sound familiar, anyone? - we started on Sunday.

Oy!

Dizzying rounds of push-ups and pull-ups followed each other in quick succession. Since Jack hadn't yet mounted the pull-up bar, we did air pull-ups. Even with that major advantage, we still keeled over just past the half-way mark. I was pretty sure I would never move my arms again. You can imagine my dismay when Jack noticed later that, not only did we quit early, but we entirely missed the Ab Ripper. Gaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!

Last night was leg exercises. Though nowhere near the level of the video, I enjoyed this one much more. After a whole summer of brisk biking, even going up steep hills in high gear to give my muscles an extra pounding. Jack has not been riding bicycles. He made it to 27 minutes before collapsing on the couch, swearing he would never walk again. I nearly had to carry him to bed.

(In case any of you are familiar with this well-known 90-day program, let me just assure you that I will be substituting other stretches in on the days they recommend yoga.)

Tonight is Shoulders and Arms, followed by...yep... the Ab Ripper. 

Maybe we will at least watch it this time.

Painfully yours,

Noni Beth

PS Even for someone of my customary gregariousness, it was too much of a stretch to post "before" pictures in a completely public place. Especially THOSE "before" shots. For those of you who are my friends on Facebook, you will find the "Before" album visible to friends only. Any of the rest of you who would like to see them can email me at you_neak@yahoo.com. 

Stay tuned for periodic updates on our progress. Do not hold your breath for video. There won't be any.